Now that Liverpool Football Club is now owned by the Americans, will this be the new team roster?

As compiled by the Gilette scouts on behalf of the club's new owners...

Jose (Pepé Reina

Netminder with an impressive 19 shutouts this regular season. Save average of .854 in last five outs. Replaces New Jerzy Dudek as first-choice goaltender after veteran's series of high-profile handling errors. Nicknamed after Pepé Le Pew, the cheese-eating surrender skunk.

James 'The Minister Of Defense' Carragher

Captain of defense and native 'Scouser'. 2963 minutes of field time with powerplay change-up stats of 5-6-3. Awesome displays in penalty zone versus aerial offense plays. Awesome displays at club Christmas parties. Distribution ranked only 245th in EPL. Note: communication may be difficult as James does not speak English.

Steve O'Finnan

Defensive cornerback/outside linebacker ranked six in division for forward offense running plays. Highly-rated change-up, groundspeed. 245 defensive tackle ratio. Proud Irishman: merchandising opportunities with millions of east coast Americans who are 1/64 from Cork. Vital cornerman, new shorts.

Sam Hyypia

Veteran centerblocker famed for aerial rebound ability, composureability, although lacks change-up, questions over groundplay v forwards with nimbleness quotient. Radical air with headbombs from special plays ensures a conversions per season tally average of six. Hails from Finlandland, a country in Europe that is part of the 'Axis Of Pleasantness'.

John-Arnold Riise

Cornerman who regularly features in goalshot of the month sweeps with a left peg rated in top five nationwide for sweetness. Rookie, sophomore seasons raised expectations of possible Hall of Famer status but recent semesters have seen the person of redly-challenged hair demoted to bullpen on occasion. 7-6-8.

Gerrard Steven

Team MVP, captain and midfielderman famed for power running, pass accuracy, assists. Has dressed as center, right wingerbacker (offensive and defensive) and even as secondary power forward. Can rush goal or sit back in the pocket. Career high came in Pro-Ball showdown against the Milan Tumblers in Istanbul (believed site of WMD).

Craig Bellamy

Controversial wide receiver/goal forward rated division's third most likely player to face red card takedown in grudge slams. Lightning fast in joggy work down winglines, although critics question net targeting infield. Has switched franchises several times in career amid rumors of all-star level jackassery.

Robert Bernard Fowler

Veteran strike attacker and all-time Liverpool Reds Hall of Famer. Once considered league MVP for shotzone rebounds and accuracy in the paint. Famously flagged on field for displaying his tight end to opponent Graeme Le Saux, and for calling into question The War On Drugs.

Xavi Alonso (ITA)

6-5-7, 12, 468, 0.43, 0, 0, 0, 1, 0, 98632548, 1, 1, 0 (?), 0, 1. 0.3.

Jermaine Pennant

Wide receiver/running forward has rushed for over 1,000 yards in Liverpool Reds rookie season. Crossfields delivery success rate well into point-seven-ohs, play action, sprinty, jigglebomb, DUI. 6.662. Off-field activities saw him given bum's rush from Steve Bruskowski's Birmingham Brums. Only soccerplayer on roster with a sensible sportsman's name.

Peter Crouch Jr

Power forward who could have potential if consortium moves into NBA. Noted for headbomb assists, ganglyhole, salmon leap, robotics. 0.673, runners batted in, three points. Traded several times early in career but has flourished under head coach Benitez at the Anfield Taco Bellodrome.

Earth has a second moon, of sorts, and could have many others, according to three astronomers who did calculations to describe orbital motions at gravitational balance points in space that temporarily pull asteroids into bizarre orbits near our planet. The 3-mile-wide (5-km) satellite, which takes 770 years to complete a horseshoe-shaped orbit around Earth, is called Cruithne and will remain in a suspended state around Earth for at least 5,000 years. Cruithne, discovered in 1986, and then found in 1997 to have a highly eccentric orbit, cannot be seen by the naked eye, but scientists working at Queen Mary and Westfield College in London were intrigued enough with its peregrinations to come up with mathematical models to describe its path. That led them to theorize that the model could explain the movement of other objects captured at the gravitational balance points that exist between all planets and the sun. "We found new dynamical channels through which free asteroids become temporarily moons of Earth and stay there from a few thousand years to several tens of thousands of years," said Fathi Namouni, one of the researchers, now at Princeton University. "Eventually these same channels provide the moons with escape routes. So the main difference between the moon (weve always known) and the new moons is that the latter are temporary -- they come and go, but they stay for a very long time before they leave." Astronomers have long known that the solar system is full, relatively speaking, of asteroids. Most orbit the sun in a belt between Mars and Jupiter, but a handful cross Earth's orbital path -- an imaginary curve through space along which our planet travels around the sun. Namouni and his colleagues discovered several new types of orbital motion, which showed that some asteroids that cross Earths path may be trapped in orbits caused by the gravitational dance between Earth and the sun. The work was published in a recent issue of Physical Review Letters.

(LINK)

Two Nasa space probes that visited Mars 30 years ago may have stumbled upon alien microbes on the Red Planet and inadvertently killed them, a scientist claims.
The problem was the Viking space probes of 1976-77 were looking for the wrong kind of life and did not recognise it, the researcher said in a paper presented at a meeting of the American Astronomical Society in Seattle.
The new report, based on a more expansive view of where life can take root, may have Nasa looking for a different type of Martian life form when its next Mars spacecraft is launched later this year, one of the space agency's top scientists said.
Last month, scientists excitedly reported that new photographs of Mars showed geological changes that suggest water occasionally flowed on the planet - the most tantalising sign that Mars is hospitable to life.
In the '70s, the Viking mission found no signs of life. But it was looking for Earth-like life, in which salt water is the internal liquid of living cells. Given the cold dry conditions of Mars, that life could have evolved on Mars with the key internal fluid consisting of a mix of water and hydrogen peroxide, said Dirk Schulze-Mach, author of the new research.
That's because a water-hydrogen peroxide mix stays liquid at very low temperatures (-68°F/-55.56°C ), does not destroy cells when it freezes, and can suck scarce water vapour out of the air.
The Viking experiments of the '70s would not have noticed alien hydrogen peroxide-based life and, in fact, would have killed it by drowning and overheating the microbes, said Schulze-Makuch, a geology professor at Washington State University.
One Viking experiment seeking life on Mars poured water on soil. That would have essentially drowned hydrogen peroxide-based life, Schulze-Makuch said. A different experiment heated the soil to see if something would happen, but that would have baked Martian microbes, he said.
"The problem was that they didn't have any clue about the environment on Mars at that time,'' Schulze-Makuch said. "This kind of adaptation makes sense from a biochemical viewpoint.''

(LINK)

A plan to host nude games on 'clothes optional' beaches to celebrate Australia Day has caused a huge row down under.
To mark the day, an anonymous group of nudists have organised nude games at Torquay's Point Impossible, including nude cricket, naked tug-of-war, three-legged races and 'best bum' and 'best suntan' competitions.
The games have angered Surf Coast Shire councillor Ron Humphrey, who is leading a charge to have nude bathing outlawed in the area.

(LINK) 
No pictures

Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein has been executed by hanging at a secure facility in northern Baghdad for crimes against humanity.
Iraqi TV said the execution took place just before 0600 local time (0300GMT). A representative of the prime minister and a Sunni Muslim cleric were present.
Footage of him being led to the gallows was later shown on Iraqi state TV.
Two co-defendants, Saddam Hussein's half-brother and a former chief judge, are to be executed at a later date.
All three were sentenced to death by an Iraqi court on 5 November after a year-long trial over the killings of 148 Shias from the town of Dujail in the 1980s.
In a statement, Iraq's Prime Minister, Nouri Maliki, said the execution had closed a dark chapter in Iraq's history.
"Justice, in the name of the people, has carried out the death sentence against the criminal Saddam, who faced his fate like all tyrants, frightened and terrified during a hard day which he did not expect," it read.
 A small group of Iraqis witnessed the execution inside a building at an Iraqi compound known by the Americans as Camp Justice, a secure facility in the northern Baghdad suburb of Khadimiya.
They watched as a judge read out the sentence to Saddam Hussein, 69. The former Iraqi leader was carrying a copy of the Koran and asked for it to be given to a friend.
Footage broadcast later on Iraqi state TV showed a subdued Saddam Hussein being led to gallows by a group of masked men.
He was dressed in a white shirt and dark overcoat, rather than prison garb.
Saddam Hussein was led up onto the gallows platform and a dark piece of cloth placed around his neck, followed by the noose.
When the hangman stepped forward to put the hood over his head, Saddam Hussein made it clear he wanted to die without it.
The hanging itself was not broadcast.
The execution procedure took just a few minutes.
Iraqi National Security Adviser Mouwafak al-Rubaie, who witnessed the execution, told the BBC that the former leader went to the gallows quietly:
"We took him to the gallows and he was saying some few slogans. He was very, very, very, broken."
Images of Saddam Hussein's body were also broadcast on Iraqi TV, still dressed in his overcoat and wrapped in a white sheet.
His body is reported to have been flown by helicopter to an unknown location.
Sources close to the Iraqi prime minister said the body would be buried in Iraq, but would not say where.
Saddam Hussein's daughters Raghad and Rana had earlier asked that their father be buried temporarily in Yemen.
According to their spokeswoman, Rasha Oudeh, the two women watched their father's final moments on TV.
"They felt very proud as they saw their father facing his executioners so bravely, standing up," Ms Oudeh said. "They pray that his soul rests in peace."

(LINK)

Have you ever wondered why Coke comes with a smile? It’s because it gets you high. They took the cocaine out almost a hundred years ago. You know why? It was redundant.

• In The First 10 minutes: 10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily intake.) You don’t immediately vomit from the overwhelming sweetness because phosphoric acid cuts the flavor allowing you to keep it down.
• 20 minutes: Your blood sugar spikes, causing an insulin burst. Your liver responds to this by turning any sugar it can get it’s hands on into fat. (There’s plenty of that at this particular moment)
• 40 minutes: Caffeine absorption is complete. Your pupils dialate, your blood pressure rises, as a response your livers dumps more sugar into your bloodstream. The adenosine receptors in your brain are now blocked preventing drowsiness.
• 45 minutes: Your body ups your dopamine production stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain. This is physically the same way heroin works, by the way.
• >60 minutes: The phosphoric acid binds calcium, magnesium and zinc in your lower intestine, providing a further boost in metabolism. This is compounded by high doses of sugar and artificial sweeteners also increasing the urinary excretion of calcium.
• >60 Minutes: The caffeine’s diuretic properties come into play. (It makes you have to pee.) It is now assured that you’ll evacuate the bonded calcium, magnesium and zinc that was headed to your bones as well as sodium, electrolyte and water.
• >60 minutes: As the rave inside of you dies down you’ll start to have a sugar crash. You may become irritable and/or sluggish. You’ve also now, literally, pissed away all the water that was in the Coke. But not before infusing it with valuable nutrients your body could have used for things like even having the ability to hydrate your system or build strong bones and teeth.

This will all be followed by a caffeine crash in the next few hours. (As little as two if you’re a smoker.) But, hey, have another Coke, it’ll make you feel better.

(LINK)

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese airline has calculated that it takes a liter of fuel to flush the toilet at 30,000 feet and is urging passengers to go to the bathroom before they board.
As Chinese airlines come under increasing pressure to cut fuel expenditures, China Southern's latest strategy is to encourage passengers "to spend their pennies before boarding the aircraft," Xinhua news agency reported Thursday.
"The energy used in one flush is enough for an economical car to run at least 10 kilometers," Captain Liu Zhiyuan, who flies regularly between Hangzhou and Beijing, was quoted as saying.
Citing a survey by the company's logistics department, Liu said carrying one kilogram of items such as blankets and pillows by air for one hour uses 0.2 kg of fuel.
"This means the blankets and pillows on board the aircraft eat up 60 tonnes of fuel every day. If each seat is loaded with three 450-gram magazines, another 60 tonnes will be consumed," Liu explained.
Another cost-saving technique will keep 47 million yuan ($6 million) a year in the airline's coffers, Xinhua said.
"The company has asked logistics staff to fill the water tank only 60 percent full."
In the first half of the year, the "aggregated loss" of Chinese airlines was estimated at around 3 billion yuan, Xinhua said.

 

Well, i'm impressed ... I would have expected the Germans to come up with something so efficient!

 

A South African man has been fined $140 for taking a week off work, telling his employers he was pregnant. Charles Sibindana, 27, stole a certificate from a clinic during his pregnant girlfriend's checkup, a court near Johannesburg heard. He then added his own details to the note and submitted it and took seven days off work, seemingly unaware that only women consult gynaecologists. His employers became suspicious and investigated the matter. On passing sentence Magistrate Bruno Van Eeden warned Mr Sibindana "not to walk around faking sick letters from gynaecologists" as if he was pregnant, the South African Press Association news agency reported.

(LINK)

Well, you have to admire his cheek!

1912 The British Board Of Film Classification (BBFC) is founded; one of its first rules is no nudity.

1930 Will H Hays establishes the Hays Code, setting out what was morally acceptable in American films. Until the late Sixties all films adhered to the code.

1930 Louise Brooks stars as Lulu in GW Pabst's Pandora's Box - the first explicit lesbian character on screen.

1933 Red-Headed Woman, in which Jean Harlow plays a particularly sexually active woman accused of murder, is banned in Britain and not granted a certificate until 1965.

1959 A scene containing cunnilingus is cut from Louis Malle's film Les amants by the BBFC; the poster for the film is banned by London Transport.

1960 The Compton Cinema Club in Soho opens playing pornographic films.

1961 Stanley Kubrick's Lolita is released after Lolita's age is increased from 12 to 14.

1970 Male genitals are seen on screen for the first time, as Alan Bates and Oliver Reed wrestle naked in Ken Russell's Women in Love.

1970 Andy Warhol's Flesh is the first film to show an erection on screen.

1982 The R18 rating is introduced in Britain, allowing non-violent pornography to be shown in a club setting.

1989 The film Scandal is retouched to remove a couple who look like they are having real sex at an orgy.

2000 Darren Aronofsky loses his appeal against an NC-17 rating for his film Requiem for a Dream so releases it unrated.

2006 Kirby Dick releases This Film is Not Yet Rated, a documentary about film censorship in America, which receives a standing ovation when premiered at the Sundance Film Festival

from:
Everybody's doing it...
LINK

Fancy seeing an advance 4 minute clip of the forthcoming Doctor Who Christmas special - The Runaway Bride? Then CLICK HERE!

It looks pretty good doesn't it? i'm excited about a new Doctor Who adventure but i'm not so happy about the co-called comedianne Catherine Tate being in it. Well, we'll just have to wait and see what her contribution will be like!

 

Don't be evil, its not funny! You know you shouldn't laugh at this bad driving granny. But i know you are going to!

Boats are built for the water, and dolphins are built for the water--but when's the last time you saw a boat built like a dolphin? This homemade single-seat design from a California company called Innerspace Productions can travel both on and under the surface of the water. It does tricks, too, from barrel rolls to leaps above the waves.

(LINK)

 Just how cool is that boat! i want one ... To go with my other boys toys, like my robosapian!

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went
T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my
hand."

You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best
Before End'

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I
said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke
said "Kenwood." I said, "Where is he?"

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,
"You've got cholera."

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his
name, it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put
it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and
on.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I
wouldn't do it if you paid me."

So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I
said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this
is for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin
paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.
It was a turtle disaster.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said
"Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and says "Audi!"

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes
first." He went "Baah" and I went "Moo." He said "You're closest."

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen
on it. I thought "That's Aboriginal".

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd
been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to
say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me
managing director & I went right off into a tree. The police came and
asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road."

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the
shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.

I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar?" I said "Well
I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin."

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the
splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays
or Thursdays."

So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The
Elephant Man?" He said, "He's not your type." I said "How about Batman
Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

Origin of the name "Google"
From time to time I read or hear stories of the origin of the search engine and company name "Google" that are incorrect, which prompts me to write this brief account, based on my understanding of the genesis of the name. The source of my information is my friends and colleagues from Wing 3B of the Gates Computer Science Building at Stanford University, where Google was born.
In 1996, Larry Page and Sergey Brin called their initial search engine "BackRub," named for its analysis of the of the web's "back links." Larry's office was in room 360 of the Gates CS Building, which he shared with several other graduate students, including Sean Anderson, Tamara Munzner, and Lucas Pereira. In 1997, Larry and his officemates discussed a number of possible new names for the rapidly improving search technology. Sean recalls the final brainstorming session as occurring one day during September of that year.

Sean and Larry were in their office, using the whiteboard, trying to think up a good name - something that related to the indexing of an immense amount of data. Sean verbally suggested the word "googolplex," and Larry responded verbally with the shortened form, "googol" (both words refer to specific large numbers). Sean was seated at his computer terminal, so he executed a search of the Internet domain name registry database to see if the newly suggested name was still available for registration and use. Sean is not an infallible speller, and he made the mistake of searching for the name spelled as "google.com," which he found to be available. Larry liked the name, and within hours he took the step of registering the name "google.com" for himself and Sergey (the domain name registration record dates from September 15, 1997).
(LINK)

 

So, there you have it. Something new to bore your friends with down at the pub

The next time you are deciding between ice cream and cake, buying a car or taking a trip to Europe, accepting a new job or keeping your old one, you should remember two things: First, your decision is rooted in the desire to become happy -- or at least happier than you are now. Second, there's a good chance the decision you make will be wrong.

Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert summed up our failings this way: "People have a lot of bad theories about happiness."

It's not for lack of trying. The Declaration of Independence affirms that we have an inalienable right to pursue happiness, and it's something we do with a vengeance.  Americans will spend $750 million on self-help books this year and more than $1 billion on motivational speakers. More than 100 colleges now offer classes in positive psychology -- the science of happiness. With all those resources focused on achieving happiness, we should all be brimming with joy. So where do we go wrong? Gilbert, author of the recent book "Stumbling on Happiness," blames our culture, our genes and our imagination. Our culture implores us to buy bigger, newer, better things, but research shows "stuff" does not buy happiness. By and large, money buys happiness only for those who lack the basic needs. Once you pass an income of $50,000, more money doesn't buy much more happiness, Gilbert said. Our genes hardwire us to reproduce, but children have a small negative effect on happiness, research shows. If you're a parent reading this, you're most likely shaking your head. But Gilbert said the findings are clear when parents are asked about their level of happiness in the moment.

"When you follow people throughout their days, as they're going about their normal activities, people are about as happy interacting with their children, on average, as when they're doing housework. They're much less happy than when they're exercising, sleeping, grocery shopping, hanging out with friends," Gilbert said. "Now, that doesn't mean they don't occasionally create these transcendent moments of joy that we remember as filling our days with happiness."

Finally, our imaginations fail us, Gilbert said, because when we envision different futures we see either perpetual gloom or happily ever-after scenarios. In fact, neither unhappiness nor joy last as long as we expect. As you've probably guessed, winning the lottery will not guarantee a life of bliss.  By the same token, becoming disabled does not relegate one to a life of unhappiness. The disabled spend their days about as happy as the general population, according to Gilbert.

So what makes us happy? In general, the older you get the happier you get -- until you reach very old age.

According to a Pew Research Center survey, the happiest age group is men 65 and older; the least happy: men 18 to 29.

The survey also found:

Married people are happier than singles.

College grads are happier than those without a college degree.

People who were religious are happier than those who aren't.

Sunbelt residents are happier than other U.S. residents.

Republicans are happier than Democrats -- but both are happier than independents.

Nancy Segal, a professor at California State University, Fullerton, has spent her professional career studying twins and happiness. We all have an innate level of happiness, Segal said. The best we can do is boost our happiness a little bit above this natural "set point." With that in mind, Segal said we should pass on buying lottery tickets and find small things we can do every day that bring us joy, whether it's going for a walk or cooking a meal or reading a book.

Robert Biswas-Diener is called the Indiana Jones of positive psychology because he has traveled the globe looking at happiness in different cultures.

"There is good evidence that people express at least some fundamental emotions like disgust, anger and happiness in a very similar way all around the world," Diener said. Diener, who also is a life coach, says happiness from the most traditional cultures to the most modern depend heavily on close family and other human relationships. If you want to do a better job predicting how happy something will make you, said Gilbert, the Harvard professor, you need to remember we are not so different when it comes to happiness. "If I wanted to know what a certain future would feel like to me I would find someone who is already living that future," he said. "If I wonder what it's like to become a lawyer or marry a busy executive or eat at a particular restaurant my best bet is to find people who have actually done these things and see how happy they are. "What we know from studies is not only will this increase the accuracy of your prediction, but nobody wants to do it," he said. "The reason is we believe we're unique. We don't believe other people's experiences can tell us all that much about our own. I think this is an illusion of uniqueness." And if you're trying to decide between the new car and the trip to Europe, Gilbert said take the trip.

"Part of us believes the new car is better because it lasts longer. But, in fact, that's the worst thing about the new car," he said. "It will stay around to disappoint you, whereas a trip to Europe is over. It evaporates. It has the good sense to go away, and you are left with nothing but a wonderful memory."
(LINK)

Obviously written by a rich man!

A doctor who carried out a failed contraceptive operation has been ordered by a German court to pay financial support for the child.

The gynaecologist had inserted a patch into the patient's arm, but it failed to prevent pregnancy six months later. The woman, who had recently qualified as a teacher, had to give up her new job to care for her child. The highest judicial court has ruled the doctor must pay 600 euros (£400) a month until the child reaches 18. German gynaecologists now fear a flood of lawsuits, says the BBC's Steve Rosenberg in Berlin. The decision in Karlsruhe, made on Tuesday, has met with disapproval in the German press. The conservative Die Welt said the whole idea of damages being paid for the birth of a child was "perverse": "In addition to the highly private inkling that he was not wanted by his parents, he now has official confirmation that he was born by mistake," it said. The device is meant to protect against pregnancy for up to three years, but six months after the operation, the implant could no longer be found in the woman's body, the court said. The parents, who had known each other six months at the time of the conception, were no longer together, the court said. The father will also be compensated for the maintenance he is paying for the child.
(LINK)

Have you ever heard of anything so daft? Its a shame to see that the American sue-culture is spreading to other countries as well as Britain.

Its true, using googles brilliant Maps, a landlocked aircraft carrier has been found on a lake in china!

(LINK HERE!)

I don't know any more about it, which is a real shame as it looks like an interesting story.

I cannot wait! A whole Simpsons movie! its gonna be good, Its gonna be great! And they have just released a new trailer! Watch it HERE!

To keep the Simpsons there, her are some of the promo posters...

The Simpsons Movie is set for a July 27th of 2007 release date, so there is still a couple of months to wait

PlayStation 3 sells out at launch 
 
Only 100,000 Sony machines have been made available
Electronics stores in Japan have sold out of PlayStation 3 consoles after thousands of gamers queued for hours in the cold to buy them.
Large queues meant some shoppers were turned away even before stores opened at 0700 local time (2100 GMT).
The console officially went on sale on 11 November but Sony only made 100,000 machines available on launch day.
Instead of opening at midnight, stores organised lotteries to decide who in the queue would get a long-awaited PS3.
Outside Bic Camera's flagship Tokyo store more than 1,000 people queued for their chance to buy a PlayStation 3.

Shop attendants with microphones warned impatient customers that sales would end if there were any injuries.
"Standing in line today is the only way to make sure I got one," said Takayuki Sato, 30.
Tomoaki Nakamura, 41, said: "I've been waiting for this day to come for so long. I'll play it all through the weekend. No time for meals,"
The head of Sony's game unit head, Ken Kutaragi, known as "the father of the PlayStation", expressed his gratitude to those who had waited.

 Sony said 400,000 consoles should be available for the US launch
"I hope you will enjoy the next-generation entertainment to your heart's content," he said.
The company said it would be a few days before they knew whether all retailers had sold out of all their PS3 consoles.
Earlier, bloggers catalogued the numbers of people waiting outside stores.
Brian Ashcraft who toured electronics stores in Tokyo for game blog Kotaku described the scene as "organised chaos".

The PlayStation 3 (PS3) is being sold in two configurations. The more expensive version has a 60GB hard drive and wi-fi on board and costs, in Japan, 60,000 yen (£270). The cheaper version has a 20GB hard drive, lacks the wi-fi and will cost 49,980 yen (£222). European prices are expected to be higher than direct comparisons suggest.

Both versions include a wireless controller, a Blu-ray high-definition DVD drive and a port so they can work with a high-definition display. Buying a PS3 also gives owners free access to the online PlayStation Network where they can meet and take on other gamers.
Sony expects five games to be available at launch including Ridge Racer 7, Mobile Suit Gundam: Target in Sight, Genji, and Resistance: Fall of Man.
Like other next-generation consoles the PS3 offers gamers much more detailed graphics than ever before. The IBM-developed Cell chip inside the console uses seven separate processing cores which can be used to make the physics in game worlds more realistic and allow computer-controlled enemies to behave with great sophistication.
"The image quality is so superb you'd almost think it's a real movie," gamer Hisafumi Funato said after trying it out at a demonstration event in downtown Tokyo. "I want one, especially if I don't have to stand in a long line."

The PlayStation 3 was originally supposed to go on sale in early 2006 but production problems and shortages of key components forced a delay. The European launch of the console has been pushed back to March 2007.
This has also meant that there are only 100,000 consoles for gamers in Japan. Sony said 400,000 will be available for the US launch on 17 November. Despite the shortages, Sony said it was confident of shipping six million PS3s by the end of March 2007.
Although Sony has dominated home console gaming since the launch of the first PlayStation in 1994 its lead is under greater threat than ever before. Arch-rival Microsoft released its Xbox 360 console in November 2005. By the end of 2006 Microsoft hopes to have sold about 10 million Xbox 360s.
Also due to launch in November is Nintendo's Wii console which is far cheaper than the PlayStation 3 or the Xbox 360. It goes on sale in the US on 19 November.

Analysts expect Sony to lose money on every console sold for some time to come.
"For all you know, it may take Sony five years to get back the money it's invested in PS3," said Mitsuhiro Osawa, analyst for Mizuho Investors Securities, "even 10 years if it doesn't watch out."
(LINK)

 

Now i do not understand all the fuss, this is a toy after all! They are just nerds and geeks and really do need to get a life, get a girlfriend and get some fresh air. Anyway, i have a Xbox 360

My first Fan Sign for "A little Bit of Everything!" and we are only a couple of days old! How about that!

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR THE BIG PICTURE!
MAY NOT BE SAFE FOR WORK, DEPENDING ON WHAT YOUR BOSS IS LIKE!

Thanks to UK Sweet for the pic!

Any and all Fan Signs gratefully recieved!

 

I'm being a bit indulgent with this picture of a greedy cat trying to eat a hot-dog because its not really all that funny but it does remind me of the new kitten my girlfriend got a week or two back, It was really funny watching it steal the tuna from her dinner plate this evening, i have never seen a more determined cat in my life .... This kitten wanted fish and nothing was going to get in its way!

I really should post a picture of her kitten as its the scruffiest thing i have ever seen, i honestly think that if this cat was human it would be a chav!

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

“Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

…Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

…Long Pause

……Longer Pause

………Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . . Is this 486-5731?"

Britain is "wide open'' to alien visitors after a Government department was closed down, an expert is warning.
Despite a series of "highly credible'' sightings and landings in UK territory of metallic aircraft projecting lightbeams and emitting humming sounds, there was no longer formal interviewing of witnesses or investigation into the sightings, said Nick Pope, who ran the Ministry of Defence UFO project from 1991 to 1994.
Instead, those working for the MoD UFO project spent their time releasing formerly classified documents in answer to Freedom of Information requests from the media or members of the public, he claimed.
Mr Pope said the consequences of getting it wrong could be "huge".
"If you reported a UFO sighting now, I am absolutely sure you would just get back a standard letter telling you not to worry."
"Frankly, we are wide open. If something does not behave like a conventional aircraft now, it will be ignored."
While there was no evidence of hostile intent by UFOs, it could not be ruled out, Mr Pope said, adding: "There has to be potential for that and one is left with the uneasy feeling that, if it turned out to be so, there is little we could do about it."
The Ministry of Defence said UFO sightings were investigated if evidence was available.

 

 

(LINK)

Isn't this what makes the internet great! I just love stories like this. Britain, the once great world empire is now on its knees and under threat from little green men ... Its all part of a EU plot in my opinion, they've never liked us!

A man suffered internal burns when he tried to launch a rocket from his bottom on Bonfire Night. Paramedics found the 22-year-old bleeding and with Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket lodged inside him when they attended the scene in Sunderland. He suffered a scorched colon and is now recovering in hospital, where his condition is described as stable. A spokesman for the North East Ambulance Service (NEAS) said the prank could have been fatal. Douglas McDougal, from the NEAS, said: "We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding. "He sustained fairly significant injuries in the fact that there's huge damage to that particular area." 'Beyond belief' Mr McDougal added: "Potentially it could have been a fatal incident. "There's a lot of major blood vessels round that area, so infection would probably be a huge problem for him. "And also the body naturally produces methane gas, so combine that with the firework and the exploding effect with methane's flammability - it certainly could have been a lot worse than it really was." A spokesman for the Firework Association described the bizarre prank as "beyond belief". He said: "We have spent a long time working with the government to create laws that make fireworks safer and better for the public. "This incident is very concerning but hopefully an isolated one." Northumbria Police said they were aware of the incident, which happened in the Dame Dorothy Street area of Monkwearmouth, but are understood not to be carrying out further inquiries.

(link)

 I shouldn't laugh, its not funny! ... Oh! what a complete plank! The best bit about it is that the emergency services found him still with the firework stuck up his arse!

1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."

13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad,
or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think
its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The
other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one
off.

21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice."

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

America has just finished its elections, not that i care! i'm more interested in google bombs today.

Political google bombs became an Internet phenomenon in the 2004 U.S. Presidential Election. Two of the first google bombs were the "Miserable Failure" google bomb linked to George W. Bush's Whitehouse biography and the "Waffles" google bomb that linked to John Kerry's website. At different times supporters and detractors of these political candidates were able to shift around the results so that searches for "miserable failure" and "waffles" would return links to the particular targets of the groups trying to influence the search Similarly, if one enters "miserable loser" into a Yahoo! search engine, two of the top 10 results will feature the unofficial campaign sites of Al Gore.This may also be the backlash of Bush supporters in response.

Several other governmental office holders have been Google bombed with various translations of "miserable failure" or others similar sentences :

• Ladrones. (Spanish: "thieves" ) — Official Page of SGAE (Authors and Editors General Society)
• Miserable, (Spanish: "miserable" ) — Official Biography of ex-minister Angel Acebes.
• Totalt fiasko (Swedish: "total fiasco" ) — Official Göran Persson (Swedish Prime Minister) biography.
• Miserabile fallimento, (Italian: "miserable failure" ) — Official Silvio Berlusconi (former Italian Prime Minister) biography. As a countermeasure, a few weeks after the bomb the official Italian Prime Minister homepage was not indexed by Google.
• Déspota Cachaceiro, (Portuguese: "Drunken despot" ) — Official Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva (Brazilian President) biography.
• Враг народа, (Russian: "enemy of the people" ) — Official Vladimir Putin (Russian President) biography.
• Tyhmä lehmä, (Finnish: "stupid cow" ) — Official Tanja Saarela (Finnish Culture Minister).
• Raar kapsel, (Dutch: "strange haircut" ) — Official Jan Peter Balkenende (Dutch prime minister).
• Vreemdelingenhaat, (Dutch: "Xenophobia" ) — Official Rita Verdonk (Dutch minister for Integration and Immigration)
• Iznogoud (French comic hero who wants to become the Caliph instead of the Caliph) - Biography of Nicolas Sarkozy (Minister of interior Department)
• Κατσίκα. (Greek: "goat" ) — Official Page of Greek Minister of National Education and Religious Affairs, Marietta Gianakou - Koutsikou (her husband's surname sounds the same as the greek word for 'goat').
• primitiv hulemand. (Danish: "primitive troll" ) — Official Page of Anders Fogh Rasmussen (Danish Prime Minister).
• kretyn. (Polish: synonym for "idiot" ) — Official Sejm page of Andrzej Lepper (Polish MP and Deputy Prime Minister).
• mouton insignifiant. (French: "unimportant sheep" ) - official biography of Jean Charest, Premier of Quebec
• pekeng pangulo. (Tagalog: "fake president" ) - Website of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, President of the Philippines

(Taken from Wikipedia)

 I want to see a British one up there on that list. How about we set up a google bomb for Tony Blair to to the Lapdog search! 

i did try to think of a funny heading for this picture, really i did! but i've only just woken up and i'm still supping my first coffee of the morning so i really cannot be bothered!

 

 

I found this "joke" on another site and i just had to share it....

 

 

 Now i cannot for a second every believe that ANYONE will ever find this funny at all, it is a complete waste of time on the cartoonists part and i just cannot believe that the site it came from ever thought it was worthwhile reproducing! But the funniest part of all is that you just wasted time and bandwidth to read it!

Now, why would you want to upgrade your old (and never any good anyway!) Nintendo 64 to an X-box 360 when you can loose your virginity for just two N64 carts!

 

See! It may even be worth popping into those second hand computer games shops and stocking up on those Nintendo 64 cartridges! I wonder if i can cop a feel if i offer an old SNES cart?

BARMY Borat has been made PRESIDENT of Kazakhstan — by cheeky fans who sabotaged an entry on the internet encyclopedia Wikipedia. Jokers edited the page for the fictional reporter’s home nation and also changed the country’s national anthem and motto. The site has now banned users from contributing to the page.

 

Wikipedia — which usually allows free editing of more than five million articles — has previously locked entries on politicians like George W Bush and Tony Blair to stop similar abuse. Sacha Baron Cohen’s film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, took £13.6million in its first weekend to top the US box office. The vandalism included a claim that the country’s motto is “High Five!” And the national anthem was changed to refer to the spoof by Borat, that starts: “Kazakhstan greatest country in the world. All other countries are run by little girls.” The Kazakh Intelligence Services section was altered to include: “Since the Kuraczev reforms of 1978, woman can travel on inside of bus.” From The Sun

 

Does anyone have a link to what was actually written on Wikipedia before it was removed? i bet it was funny!

I'm only posting this picture because it features Anna Friel, One of the most beautiful babes ever to walk this planet! I'm sure that i'll be posting a lot more pictures of Anna in the future simply because she brightens the page up!

CLICK ON THUMBNAIL IMAGE FOR THE LARGER PICTURE!

Need help impressing the ladies?

 

Size really does count, just ask Australian underwear maker AussieBum which has just launched the "Wonderjock" for men who want to look bigger.

Since the launch seven days ago, AussieBum says it has sold 50,000 pairs of "Wonderjock," mostly on its Web site www.aussiebum.com and a handful of stores around the world. "The design of the underwear, separates and lifts. The fabric cup protrudes everything out in front instead of down toward the ground," said "Wonderjock" designer Sean Ashby.

"There is no padding, rings or strings," said Ashby, a co-founder of the Internet-based AussieBum firm. Ashby said the idea for the "Wonderjock" was the result of online feedback from customers who expressed an interest in looking bigger, just like women using the "Wonderbra." "When you go to a department store to buy underwear you usually get a grandmother serving, which is not the ideal way to get feedback," said Ashby. "Our customers give us feedback. We didn't realize that big is better." from Yahoo

 It kind of makes you feel sorry for Australian women really, Auzzie blokes must have tiny todgers, anyway whats wrong with the time-honoured rolled up sock?

Welcome to my new blog. Well, that that out of the way! Really this post is just a test of mine to see if all is working well, if you can see this then it has. So to all my new readers "HELLO" to everyone who cannot read this ... FUCK OFF! Also if you are reading this then i can also presume that either i got bored of this blogging lark and gave up after a couple of posts, you are one of my first visitors or you are a real nosey so and so and you have read everything here.

Finally, if you find any spelling mistakes its not because i'm dyslexic, its because i type with my elbows!